Thank You, But I Don't Agree
“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond our measure....your playing small does not serve the world……as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.”—Marianne Williamson
Yesterday morning a friend from South Carolina came to visit. As we were enjoying tea on my back deck on a chilly morning, we soaked in the fresh mountain air. I trust this friend deeply and began sharing about a recent situation that has left me curious. After my share he responded casually, “Kara, you haven’t done the work yet to earn that.” My face turned beet red, as steamed blew out of my ears, and my blood began to boil. My instinctual reaction was to reach across the table and grab him by his neck as anger seethed in every cell of my body.
My frantic mind swirled…..”I do more work than anybody I know! I’ve taken years of my life to live off grid just to do the work! I’ve spent more time, energy, and money on the work in the past six years than most people will in a lifetime. Who are you to judge what work I’ve done and what I am ready for???? Who are you to judge me at all?! Who are you to even have an opinion about me in this moment?!”
He had hit a nerve and I was furious. The anger was mine to own and as I processed my anger later that day with a dear friend, I realized that deep underneath my anger was Fear. Am I still not enough? After all of this time and energy and work, I’m still not DOING enough on top of not BEING Enough ??! I still haven't done enough work???? My Type A, overachiever voice kicked in and I felt like a failure. How will I ever be enough if these past six years haven’t gotten me to a point of reaching my dreams?
With anger in my voice and rage in my heart I was ready to tell my friend that I needed time and space from him. I was ready to tell him that I could not engage in a friendship that wasn’t supportive and nurturing. This voice boomed in my mind as my ego shouted for justice.....How dare he!
As I walked outside to bring out the trash desperately needing to take a few deep breaths, before I said something I regretted..... I realized there was an alternative. I can choose not to accept my friends beliefs and thoughts. I can choose to believe that I am worthy and deserving of...... soul nurturing friendships, a loving partnership, and a career that nourishes and energizes me exactly the way that I am Right Now! I can choose to believe that I don’t have to wait to reach some far off distant goal of personal self growth to be worthy of my dreams. I am worthy today! I am worthy now of the deepest desires of my soul with all of my flaws and imperfections.
Later on I drew a card. As I read the message, I sighed with relief...... Deepak Chopra once said….Our Dreams Are Our Destiny..... And I choose to believe that all we have to do is follow them fearlessly and that nothing is out of reach for us, right now.
So I want to share that you are Perfect Today Just As You Are. You don’t have to earn another degree to be an expert in your field….Or overcome jealously to find a loving relationship….Or learn to not react to your friends to have meaningful nourishing relationships. You are Worthy of these things AND all of the desires of your heart just as you are.
We are all human and our work will be a life long process. The journey of growth will continue and many layers of the onion will be peeled back as we change and evolve..... But I’m going to say Bullshit to you needing to be any different than you are today to access your dreams.
You can embrace all sides of yourself in your imperfection. You can love all sides of yourself Now. You are Sacred and you are a Gift to the World even in the midst of struggle! You are always Powerful! So Shine Bright! Be Bold! Embrace You, Right Now! You are everything that you need to be just as you are in this moment. Move forward fearlessly towards your dreams and nothing is out of reach.