"This Human Being is a guest house. Every morning is a new arrival. A Joy, A Depression, A Meanness, Some Momentary Awareness comes as an unexpected visitor.....Welcome and entertain them all. Treat each guest honorably. The dark thought, the shame, the malice, meet them at the door laughing and invite them in. Be grateful for who ever comes because each has been sent as a guide from above." Rumi
The feeling of ANGER has been palpable recently...... AND......I believe that it deserves some attention. The topic of Anger feels like the perfect follow up to my meltdown post last week. Anger for me is a Familiar Friend. I’ve traveled with this companion my entire life. It’s the type of friend that you sometimes wish would leave you alone because you don’t have time to talk... YET these friends are so persistent that they nag you until you answer the phone.
Years ago I had a client come in and say..... "You know I yelled at someone out of the blue yesterday and it was so out of character for me. I don’t even know where this anger came from because I never get angry." I paused for a few minutes then replied.....”That’s an anger problem.” With a history of sexual abuse and trauma, not feeling anger is just as deeply an anger problem as someone who feels violent rage. This client also had significant physical health problems AND if you've ever read Louise Hay, it's clear these health concerns were related to the emotion of anger that was trapped in her body.
When we don’t feel our feelings and fully acknowledge them, they will come out sideways through.... Our health, “an out of the blue anger explosion” Road Rage, Snarky comments to the cashier at the store, Yelling at our children when they are just being children, or Spewing these trapped emotions onto our friends and loved ones. The emotion will rise whether we want it to or not.
There are times in life that I’ve been so consumed by anger that I felt as though it gripped me by the throat choking me. Rage filled every cell in my body and all I could see is RED!!!!! My therapist would often say.....Where in your life are you allowing your boundaries to be violated? What a great question! Anger is usually a clue that we aren't holding our boundaries firmly, we aren't taking care of ourselves and we are burnt out, or we are allowing others to disrespect us. Anger can be a powerful clue that something must shift and things inside need healing.
As I was looking up quotes about anger for this blog most quotes said.... anger is giving up peace for your day, don’t lean into negative emotions, find your center from these awful feelings..... blah blah blah blah blah! I wanted to vomit reading the quotes......AND I couldn’t Disagree MORE!!!!
When we acknowledge anger and hold space for it, something beautiful happens, it looses its death grip on us and slowly we feel as though we can begin to breath again. With this client who’s anger problem was not feeling anger, we did an exercise. I asked her to locate anger in her body. As she tuned into her body I wanted to know.......Where do you feel the emotion of anger??? Does it have a color, a shape, a texture?
This client was shocked when she was able to locate anger. It was an emotion that she hadn't consciously felt in years. As she closed her eyes and breathed deeply she shared...."I feel anger in my chest and it's energy is dark and heavy." From there I asked her to lean into her anger, asking the anger how it wants to be acknowledged and honored. I sent her home with an assignment to tune into her anger a few times a week and develop a relationship with it.....I asked her to learn to lean in and ask the anger how it would like to be expressed in a healthy way.
The greatest disservice we can do is to NOT hold space for the vast array of emotions that come with being human!....... To focus ONLY on the Love and Light, the Positive and the Good.... IS NOT HUMAN! We came here to human form to feel it all! To get Angry, Sad, Jealous, Vengeful, Prideful, and feel all of the ick that is part of this human experience. We came from pure light and will return to pure light.....BUT for now on this journey of humanity, the most beautiful thing we can do is feel all the feels and sit with our ick........ holding space for what arises and honoring the emotions.
Children are the masters of this! They feel deeply and hard.....melting down, throwing things, screaming and allowing their emotions to fly. If we can give them the beautiful gift of holding space for their emotions, not making them wrong or bad...... then their ick inside is released and won’t need to come out sideways later down the line.
Today I feel deeply Angry! I feel angry at Death! Angry at Grief! Angry that we have to loose people and animals that we love. Yes, my spirit knows there is a grand design in the cosmos and everything has deep meaning and purpose...... BUT my Human side is ANGRY and PISSED! Pissed that I have to be this sad! Pissed that I have to feel this hurt!
So today get MAD! RAGE ON! FEEL IT ALL! Go to the forest and scream! Run and move the energy! Punch a pillow or throw ice at a wall....Ask your anger what it needs! Lean into it and allow yourself to be fully human! Expressing anger in a healthy way is a great gift you can give the world! It ensures that what's inside won’t be project onto another.....it simply just needs to be tended to!