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  • Writer's pictureKara Kihm


The Soul always desires that which will most reveal its true nature -Desire Map

Do you know these people? The ones who say life is always perfect or at least try to present that way even when everything is falling apart. I have a lot of these people in my family. I remember talking to a friend who said, “I've graduated from therapy because things are going so well!!!!” I raised one eyebrow looking with curosity and asked, “Do you have any addictions?” “Nope, none of those,” my friend replied. I was skeptical. Something just didn’t feel authentic.

While I do think that some people can graduate from therapy because they are doing “so well” I know that for ME, therapy will be a life long process. Even when I’m “doing well” there’s LOTS of shit I’m working through….childhood traumas, generational trauma, past life trauma, a fight with a friend, a misunderstanding, and this damn ego that wants to dictate my life and tell me things that just aren’t true all day long….

AND While I might not currently be engaging in any addictive behavior, I’ll always have those tendencies. Addiction isn’t just about alcohol or drugs. Sometimes I’m addicted to self loathing….. sometimes I’m addicted to wanting more and can’t enjoy life as it is….sometimes I’m addicted to wanting life to be better or different…..sometimes I’m addicted to drama…….sometimes I’m addicted to thinking I’m not good enough…..and sometimes I’m addicted to escaping pain.

I once had the Life is Perfect Syndrome. I lived in a house of mirrors who’s heartbeat was that of perfection,…….the perfect house, the perfect body, the perfect clothes and the perfect life. And Damn I wore that mask so well. I wore it so well that I even convinced myself as I would smile and cheerly say…"everything is great," while my heart wanted to explode inside. When everything I thought I ever wanted crumbled around me leaving me alone in the rumble I could no longer hide behind my mask of perfection and that is when my life got really icky and messy.

My life Is MESSY with a capital M. It’s Messy, icky, filthy, and oozing over with the bog of eternal stench on any given day. Many days my emotions range from complete hysteria to serene peace. I don’t think this is the result of having any pathological disorder. I think this is the result of being human and allowing myself to get messy and dive deep into ALL OF IT..... Dive deep into the range of my human emotions and traumas. In this messiness, I have found the most authentic version of myself. A version of myself that I didn't know when I had the "Life is Perfect Symdrome."

At a Qi Gong retreat a few weekends ago, I purchased a book, Savage’s Promise” by Suzi Ashcroft…. I absolutely love the tag line……IF YOU TELL THE TRUTH THINGS WILL GET BETTER.

When I live an authentic life, even if it is messy and doesn’t come neatly wrapped in a pretty package with a bow on top…. I find the truest version of WHO I AM. While my life might not always look pretty to an outside observer, my spirit is singing louder than it ever has..... AND I feel grateful for that journey. So so so grateful!

So I invite you to get messy. Get messy in life, get messy with friends, get messy with family, get messy with me. Take off that mask and allow the most authentic version of yourself to shine. You'll be shocked how many people can relate to your story and how many lives you will touch, just by being yourself. You'll also be shocked how many people can hold space for your messiness.

I can promise that it won’t look pretty AND I can also promise that your spirit will thank you for it. As Suzi Ashcroft shares.....If you tell the truth, things will get better.

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