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  • Writer's pictureKara Kihm

I'll Be Whole When I'm Dead

"Dear Human: You’ve got it all wrong. You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. That is where you came from and where you’ll return. You came here to learn personal love. Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. Crazy love. Broken love. Whole love. Infused with divinity. Lived through the grace of stumbling. Demonstrated through the beauty of… messing up. Often. You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. And then to rise again into remembering. But unconditional love? Stop telling that story. Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. It doesn’t require modifiers. It doesn’t require the condition of perfection. It only asks that you show up. And do your best. That you stay present and feel fully. That you shine and fly and laugh and cry and hurt and heal and fall and get back up and play and work and live and die as YOU. It’s enough. It’s Plenty." – Cotirtney Walsh

Recently, I went to a practitioner who I deeply respect and admire. When we began talking about love, I noted, “Wow, it’s been seven years this year since my separation from my ex-husband. I thought for sure that by now I would be remarried and have a family. Seven years is a long time!!!! What’s the hold up Universe?”

The practitioner looked at me and replied, “You haven’t found your sacred union partner because you aren’t Whole yet. I’m getting the image of Shel Silverstein’s book, The Missing Piece.”

My reaction to this comment was visceral. I felt waves of anger pulsating throughout every cell of my body as my heart screamed, This isn’t my truth!

While I ABSOLUTELY understand what this practitioner was saying and I find her to be a very wise woman, something didn’t Resonate deep in my soul. I go to therapy weekly, I meditate and do energy work multiple times a day, I read and go to every workshop possible to learn about a path of consciousness, AND.... DAMN, I’m not even close to whole. Not even CLOSE!

Of course I’d love to be whole before finding a partner. I’d love nothing more! Wouldn’t that be lovely!

BUT the reality is……. I can’t guarantee that I’ll be whole before I die. I can’t promise that I’ll ever be whole in this life time. My journey of healing and return to wholeness will probably end when I am DEAD! ……AND I refuse to believe that I am unworthy of love because I am not whole.

As I look at the couples around me, I can’t name one where both individuals are completely whole. These are couples I admire, look up to, and are my inspiration..... AND.... nope not whole. They struggle, toil, fight, feel lost and confused, and get messy with each other. They are “Gorgeously Human, Flawed and Fabulous.” And I believe that is why they found each other….To grow and learn and evolve in their humanness.

I didn’t come to this form of consciousness to be Perfect! And I didn’t come to this form of consciousness to be Whole! In this life time I might ALWAYS have a missing piece. I came from Wholeness and Perfection and will return to Wholeness and Perfection. I came to earth for the Messy ride of being human....... AND any partner that ends up with me will get that I am flawed. We will figure it out together as we learn, struggle, and embrace all of our Humanness! We will “Live through the grace of stumbling!”.......... Embracing all of the journey in this Human Experience.

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