Gratitude and Grief
Updated: Aug 23, 2018
Last year on my 37th birthday I was filled with immense gratitude. A profound sense of love and gratitude penetrated every cell of my being. I sent a message out to my friends expressing what my world was like as I entered this new year………..
“It is through gratitude for the present moment that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.”
I could not feel more blessed as I enter my 37th year around the sun. My heart could explode with gratitude, love, and joy. I am so blessed for all of the abundance that I receive daily and for the immense love that showers me. I am grateful for friendships that make my soul dance; for my incredible Fairy baby who came to me in the dust and was the deepest knowing of my soul. I am grateful for our Fairy cottage in the most magnificent town I could imagine living in. I am grateful for my guides, angels, and the wisdom keepers who come to me always, especially in my moments of need. I am grateful for the incredible journey of life and all of the moments who have made me who I am today.
After sharing my message one of the dearest friends responded….I Meditated on you today. I kept imagining your heart releasing releasing and releasing. Shining ever so brightly. I imagined your fears slowly dissolving. I imaged you embracing the beauty that you are with all your shapes, forms, and angles. I imagine you getting more and more grounded yet never forgetting to fly like a fairy butterfly while dancing your feathers away like a peacock. I meditated on this and knew in my heart that you're already there. Just learning to speak your truth. To tune in even more deeply into your love. And not fearing fears. Thank you for teaching me SO much. You are a pure reflection of everything you teach me. I hope you believe it in your mind. Feel it in your heart. Know it in your body. Thank you for all that you are....May we all embrace and embody all that we know we are capable of being living from a space of gratitude so that the spiritual dimension of life opens up.
This year as I am about to enter my 38th year around the sun all of the above is still true. None of that has changed, but the flavor of emotion that I am met with is different this year. Not only am I experiencing deep gratitude and love, but simultaneous truths are occurring. While my life is absolutely incredible, I am also feeling soul aching grief. I have been met with this grief since my daughter’s father left a few weeks ago. While he and I are both Very Clear that we are not in alignment for a partnership or romantic relationship, I am met with a sense of grief that what we co-create when we are together is not a part of my daily world. The deepest desire of my spirit is to co-create in the context of a family with someone who I am deeply in love with. This year, I have never felt further away from my soul’s longing. So this week and the past couple of weeks, I sit with grief as well as gratitude as my birthday approaches. And I allow the grief to be here and share it’s messages with me. I allow myself to be exactly where I am and to not make it wrong. Yes, I have a blessed life and that also does not mean that I can’t feel sadness for what my life isn’t. My therapist calls this process “Clean Grief.”
This year my dear friend was able to sit with me in my grief as she shared…..I’m with you in your heart break and while you’re grieving. You are so courageous for grieving and not running away from it all. You taught me that. To purge through tears and to sit with all my emotions allowing them to come up. I run away so much. I distract with this deadline and that deadline and my broken heart never gets to grieve. But you kept coming to me during my journey…reminding me that it is okay to grieve.
Today my deepest gratitude comes from friends who can sit with me in my gratitude and also in my grief. I am grateful for friends, family and loved ones who can hold space for the vast range of my emotions and be with me exactly where I am in this human experience.